Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
