I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize