You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
