and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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