Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
