I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
