Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
