yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Congratulations! We have a period
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