i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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