You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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