she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My vagina is officially offended.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
