i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize