Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
