WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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