i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
