I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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