I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
