OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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