i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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