She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize