Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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