well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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