Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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