Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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