I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
