Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
