There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
