Ketchup is God's man juice
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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