Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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