Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
