I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
