im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize