So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
