No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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