I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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