Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize