i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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