Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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