If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
