All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
