I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize