Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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