Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
two words...techno handjob
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
