he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize