If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
