Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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