I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
