Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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