she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I have post one night stand depression
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
