My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
