Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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