Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
