Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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