My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize