So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
