Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize