i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
