Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
