Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
The ass gains better be worth it
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