I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
