ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
