I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
