i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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