I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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