you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
