yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
