she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
