I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
