remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
