Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize