it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Randomize
