Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
