Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Semen is not good for contacts.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
