i need an iv and a liver transplant
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
