These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
the day after is always just damage control
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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