Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
