Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
