The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
